Less hipsters in 2010, please

I have to admit I think I have a weakness for hipster guys. They tend to be cute. But upon further examination, I think I’ve mistaken the breed. The guys I like are often found wearing a nice hat (hint: it doesn’t have a baseball logo on it), a witty t-shirt, or looking like the wish they could spend a casual Friday on Mad Men. These are good things. Your typical ‘eh jeans, whatever’ guys are fine, too. Guys who don’t worry about or just don’t feel like they have much style to speak of are doing all right for themselves. Not everyone gets or cares about dressing cute. But I think I’ve narrowed down how to spot a hipster. Oh god, the hipsters. Maybe this would lose me some Twitter followers, but oh well. If that’s the case, y so srs? ;p

This is what we see from the girls. I don’t know how so many skinny, skinny girls can actually be in one place. Your average grown woman isn’t this small, so it’s a bit noticeable when suddenly everyone around you has no tits or ass. Coming from a feminist, maybe that sounds horribly wrong. It’s not a judgment, it’s an observation. It makes one go, ‘where did you all come from?’ But that’s not the problem. The problem is the intentionally ugly ass outfits. I like me some American Apparel. Good colors, very versatile. You can throw on anything with one of their cotton skirts or shirts and make it part of a fun outfit. But if you’re wearing some kinda fucking lycra leotard like you mean it, I don’t know what to do with you.

But it’s the guys who are starting to kill me, here. Let me give you one tip. If this is the only advice you take all year, we’ll have made an improvement. Those Grizzly Adams beards? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? That has never been a good look on anyone, ever, in the history of the world. Did Joaquin Phoenix look good when last we saw him? NO! Everyone wondered what was wrong with him. Just stop it.

Now the music. Uh. I was listening last night to the ‘best albums of 2009’ as decided by various outlets. WOXY, the Austin-based internet radio station, had a pretty sweet list. There are some good bands that have been indie/hipster darlings, like St. Vincent and even The XX are not bad. The Dirty Projectors are really cool. But y’all, Phoenix is really overrated for a non-groundbreaking band. And what passes for indie electronic? Good Christ, who is listening to Dan Deacon? That made my brain hurt. That is some ugly noise right there. Thao with the Get Down Stay Down? I want to like them, but man that girl can’t sing. Sufkan Stevens like to put me to sleep. Friendly Fires? I have some friends into them and I don’t get it. They had some good melodies but a ridiculous amount of electronic NOISE that distracts from anything good. Other bands like Bon Iver? Boring. I want to like Yeasayer, but also boring. I guess I’m just not looking for music to put me in a coma.

Maybe I’m just getting too pop and yuppie in my ‘old’ 30-something age. Or maybe we just need more Ume, a new Elliott Smith, more Silversun Pickups, Dead Weather, and less marginally able musicians who are the sonic equivalent of putting on a ratty outfit and wildman beard, and saying fuck it, we declare this cool for some reason.

PS: Girls, stop wearing gigantic 80s glasses (eyeglasses, that is). No, they don’t look cute.